Where to go from here..

I am tossing ideas in my head about this blog. I've always written to you Jayden, and tried to chronicle the big events in your life, and even the not so big events just to have a record of things, dates, and whatnot, and so that maybe one day you will read this and have no doubts about how much you are loved. The fact that you have been diagnosed with ASD is such a strange irony..all my life I worked with kids who had special needs, and different abilities, and now here I sit on the other side of the table....I'm now the parent of a child who is getting services that I once provided for other children. It is so strange, I try not to go into professional mode because I don't want to be your "programmer" or therapist. I am your momma, and that is all I want to be. I am doing my best to let the support team do their job and not trying to do it for  you and so far I think I am doing well! Be proud of your momma it's a hard thing for me to do :P

I want to blog about your journey with Autism...but I don't know if I want to do it here. Should I start another blog devoted just to those issues related to Autism and how you are affected, and leave this blog just to talk about the things I have been...but I think no matter which way I do it, there will be a crossover. This is a part of you, so trying to separate the stories and the development might become redundant...

What do your fans think, Jayden? Should I start another blog, or just integrate everything into this one? I guess either way when you are old enough to read this blog, you will read them both..so I guess I should just leave it...but I would like input from the readers. Please leave a comment with your thoughts on this little dilemma I'm having. If you can, leave it here on the blog, rather than on the facebook post that will be generated :)

Momma loves you baby boy, stop growing up so fast already would you!? <3

Wow!

Gosh I have really not been a very good blogger have I?? I guess that is because I've been so busy with you, my busy little man! You are three years old now and boy has our world changed! You go to school now :) You are enrolled at Child's Play, it's a Montessori preschool and you just love it there! You have learned so much on your own, and being in school has given you a huge world of learning opportunities that you have embraced to the fullest. Recently, you were diagnosed with Autism. They called it "High Academic/Low Social" because you are just so darn smart! You can read, you are learning to write, your skills are up around a first grade level and it is incredible to see you doing all these wonderful things. Sometimes you need a little extra patience, and some help to know how to use the right words when you need something, and you are learning how much fun it is to play with other kids. You have a best buddy next door, Jordin, the two of you get up to all kinds of trouble together and love every minute. Last night you had your first real soccer game. You are on the Yellow Canadiana Cabinets...what a mouthful huh?? You loved it, running all over the field while momma or mimi chased you to bring you back to your field. We are totally gonna have a work out every week that you play! It's all worth it to see you laughing with your team mates having a blast. It has been a very exciting phase in your life, and there are so many more to come. Watching you grow has been, and will always be the most exiting moments of my life. Every new skill, new milestone, something new every single day! Right now you are supposed to be having a nap, but you are playing in your room while I watch you on the monitor..reading Busy Bugz book of opposites like a pro... momma loves you baby boy, don't you ever forget it. I may not write here very often, but that just means I'm spending every minute I can, with you, enjoying you, and loving you with allllll my heart! <3

Missing you baby boy!

For the first time in the year and a half that you came into my life, I've had to leave you for an extended period.. Your Auntie Sher bear needed help, and she lives far away..so for the last week and a half I've been out in Florida helping her out while she recovers from surgery. Mummy has her hands full, you went and decided to get sick on her while I was away and you've been giving her a rough time. I miss you and mummy so much little man! I see you on Skype every day and I look forward to you blowing kisses to me and singing rolie polie with me and your insane giggles as I kiss the camera.. As hard as it has been for all of us, I think the time with you and mummy on your own will have been worth it in the end, the two of you needed some time with momma out of the picture. You are doing so much now...learning new words every day, counting to three, you can show me a green block and tell me it's green...so many changes so quickly and I know that when I come home in a few days you will be so different already.. 4 more sleeps till I get to hug and kiss your face and tell you in person how much I've missed you and how much I love you. You've had a hell of a month...Croup, then momma going away, croup comes back and pink eye comes with it, then a virus and some random fever and a trip with mummy to the hospital..I feel so bad that I'm not there to comfort you through this all but I know you are in good hands. My arms feel empty without you Jayden...I look back on my life before you were here and I can not imagine what I did with my time...how did I fill all the hours that are now entirely devoted to you? I don't want to remember, because without you and mummy in my world, there is nothing else that matters. Momma will be home soon baby, get those kisses ready for me!! See you soon!
Momma loves you! As long as I'm living my baby you'll be!!!

More pics from the UK

Here are a few more pics of you in England. When momma figures out how to do videos I will get some of those on!

Greetings from the UK!

So yet again I'm a bit late in updating, but here I am anyway, better late than never! This will be a small update about some rather large things in your life right now! First off, we are, as the title says...IN ENGLAND! At 13 months, you became a world traveler! We are here visiting with mummy's family. Your Nana, and 5 uncles! Your favourite of course is Tyler, the 11 year old because he gives you loads of attention and you like to play with him. You were a little scared of the older ones at first because you aren't around men very often, but now after a month the fear is gone. You run around amongst them trying to keep their attention. Your greeting for them when you see them is a loud "AHH" and of course they yell back, and then you have conversations like this with them endlessly. Something major happened in the first week of being here...you lost your fear and you started walking! That's right, my baby can walk!!! Now after a few weeks of practise you are pretty much running, and as fun as it is to watch you, it makes me long for that tiny baby that was here just a year ago...but so much is coming, you are learning and changing and growing every day. I can't wait to meet the person you are becoming. You have so much personality for someone so little, and such a fiery little temper you've got! You are learning to control it a little bit tho..I can visibly see you suck it up here and there when things aren't going as you have planned..but you certainly do let us know if you are not pleased. Communication skills have become interesting..you have mastered the signs for more, all done, milk, eat and dog! And you say (along with a lot of other babbled sounds and consonants) mum, gog (dog), bum bum (when it's time for a change), ta, and something to the tune of all done when you finish a bottle..sort of sounds like ah dah! hehe. My baby boy,  is becoming a little person before my eyes...things will only get more interesting from here wont they? Momma loves you little man, keep on being you!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Here is a picture of you sporting some England duds! Look how cute you are!   
Here is one of you at the park in your Favourite swing
And here is a video to show off your new walking skills. You were feeling alittle sick that day so you had some medicine that made you hyper and want to show off your new skills! Watch me run!

Happy Birthday!!

So I am a few days late with this post, and a few months late with an update, but life gets in the way :) You Turned ONE a few days ago, and I still can not believe that it has been a whole year since you joined our family and made us complete! For your birthday, we had a party over at Grandma and Grandpa's house. All your friends came and it was a fun, crazy messy time for all! You were a little under the weather, but you still had an awesome time at your party. The weather was gorgeous and all the kiddos got to spend some time playing outside, you crawled around in the grass for a little bit and enjoyed watching the bigger kids run around. After you opened your wonderful gifts, we sat you down with your first piece of birthday cake...blue icing and chocolate make a horrid shade of green when mixed together, we discovered lol. Here is a picture of you with your cake Click for Picture All in all, your party was a big success, and I am very happy that everything went so well. On the monday, your actual birthday, we had a quieter day, lots of cuddles and time outside, and went to a play group that we have been going to on mondays. I was laying down with you for a nap and I looked at the clock, and it was 12:12pm...and I got a little emotional remembering that exactly 365 days ago I had you on my chest just like we were laying down for your nap, and you were a tiny little squeaky baby..then I looked at you and it hit me how much you have really grown, and changed and turned into a real little person. I had a little cry and cuddled you up and you actually let me snuggle without a fight...it was like you knew I needed that right then. :) You are sensitive to what is going on around you. Your life has been pretty full these days. We (you) graduated from Babies First, the group your mommmas have been going to since you were a bun in the oven, and have moved on to a new group called Steps and Stages. We miss our Friday group a lot, but it's a new journey for all of us and I am sure we will adjust. We still try to get to the centre where the first group was for drop in play group at least once a week, sometimes twice, and we go to another play group with your friend Ryan and his mommy and sister on Monday mornings. On Thursdays you and I go to the library where they have a Mother Goose group. You love the songs and the rhymes, and playing with all the other little ones. You are starting to recognise some of the songs and actions, and I can see you anticipating what will come next :) Let's go over some first year milestones... Crawling - You started pulling yourself with your arms along the floor at about 6.5 months, you were a bit of a slow starter and didn't crawl on your hands and knees till about a month later..then it was game over and you were everywhere and never sat still again lol. You've been an awesome eater, never refusing anything new and to date there hasn't been anything you haven't liked since we started you on oatmeal at 5.5 months. By 9 months you were pulling yourself up on furniture and cruising on anything you could get your hands on. You are still doing a lot of that, and are quite the pro. You let go and stand without holding on for minutes at a time, and you can walk beside someone holding onto one hand. That is a favourite game of yours, just walking around for ages and exploring wherever you are. You aren't quite walking yet, I guess you haven't found your confidence yet to really let go, but I know you can do it, just gotta wait till you realise it ;) You talk all the time, random sounds are always coming out of you. Your consistent words are mum mum, momma, BUM, and dada...where the dada comes from I'm not quite sure. Oh, and you like to imitate "Oh dear" it was your first phrase. You are one big copy cat, clicking your tongue, smacking your lips, giving high fives and fake coughing at us for fun. You are also quite the peekaboo pro! We are working on signing, you seem to understand the sign for more, and stop, and will sign milk back to me when I ask if you want some. We are still waiting for you to sign more back to us when we are working on that during meals. Your weight on Tuesday at your check up was 24.5 lbs, and you are 31.5 inches tall..big boy you are!! You had to have three needles at that appointment, and you were less than happy about that...but it wasn't so much the shots that upset you, it was having to be held still that got you quite upset. Momma bailed and made mummy hold on to you for those. Your nurse, Sara, is wonderful and you seem to be forgiving with her cuz she is so sweet...we are very sad because she will be leaving us, she is having a baby of her own and so for the next year you will have to see our doctor, I'm not happy about that because he is a bit of a jerk and I didn't want you to have to be treated by him at all unless absolutely necessary..but it looks like we are stuck with him for a while..at least you got your first year with a great nurse, and only have to see the doc for another 2 sets of needles before she will be back. Next Friday we will be taking you to an eye specialist to see if that lazy eye of yours is a problem. It shows a little in pictures and when you are tired...I think it's ok, but mummy is worried about it so better safe than sorry, we will have you looked at. Teeth - You have 7 teeth, and are working on the eighth. This tooth has been coming for a few weeks now giving you a bit of trouble, it seems to come out a little then go back in. You are a big drooly mess on the days it breaks through. I hope it come properly soon for you so you can be more comfortable. With the teething, and the tail end of a cold, and a reaction to your vaccinations, you've had a rough few days and I can't wait for you to feel better! We hope to go to a friend's farm tomorrow night so I really hope you are up to it, you will get to see your first fire works! And meet some of momma's old friends :) I think this has been a long enough update for now...I will write again soon and share some more. But for now, my love, sleep well, feel better and wake up in the morning ready to party!! Momma loves you baby, and you are always my baby, no matter how big you get!!

9 months!

On Thursday we had our 9 month check up with Sara...you weighed in at a whopping 21.7 pounds, and are 71cm tall! You are such a big boy, and you've now jumped above the 50th percentile. It's been a long week for you, you have had a terrible cold, and spiked a high fever on Monday night bringing on our first trip to the emergency room. Luckily your fever dropped soon after we gave you some Advil and Tylenol, but it kept creeping up and staying at a low fever for a few days. When we went to see Sara, she was a little worried about you having a fever for so long but she checked you over and couldn't find any reason for it. So to be safe, she gave you some antibiotics just in case there is an infection brewing that we just can't see yet. Momma is a little scared of the meds cuz she's allergic, so mummy is giving them to you and we are keeping a close eye on you to make sure you didn't inherit my allergy...

Aside from being sick, you've been doing wonderfully! You are now easily pulling yourself up and cruising the furniture, and even letting go and standing on your own for several seconds at a time. Where did the time go?? You are great at making messes, and pulling out every single toy, then of course wanting to play with the remote control or our cell phones instead.

Yesterday you met your cousin Caleb for the first time, but you were a little tired and cranky at the time and he's 9 and thinks babies are boring...so maybe next time you see him the two of you will hit it off a little better. Next week you're gonna meet a special friend..his name is Lucas. He was just born a couple weeks ago, and we hope that the two of you will become good friends. One day when you're old enough, we might explain to you that he is special because his mommies got help from the same man as we did to help make him..I think one day it will be important for you to know about your roots and having someone else in the world that is in a similar situation as you are, might just help with that.

Right now you are sitting in your high chair beside me, eating a waffle! It's your first one and you are loving it! You love absolutely everything really...we have started giving you Homo milk now that you're 9 months, and are weaning you off of formula. Momma is still nursing as often as you like, but I have a feeling within a few months, you're not going to be breastfeeding anymore. That will be a bittersweet milestone..now that you have teeth you have been biting momma every so often, and that won't be missed. But the quiet times and cuddles when you let them happen will be missed...hopefully you will start to like cuddles aside from nursing snuggles again soon.

I guess that's all I have for an update right now, I'll try to post some pictures soon!

Momma loves you!!

8 month update

So it's been a few months since I've written again, I'm sorry to be so sporadic in my updates.. Winter is here, after an appreciated late start, so we've not been able to get out as much as I would like, but you don't seem to mind. Your first Christmas came and went, and was a lot of fun. You had a thoroughly good time unwrapping your presents and playing with the paper for several hours. Santa was good to you. Your favourite part of course was Christmas dinner at Grandma's house! You had your first turkey dinner, and loved every bite. You seem to be so ahead of your age when it comes to eating. I don't have to puree much any more, you chomp away on your two little bottom teeth and eat anything and every thing...thankfully those teeth haven't bitten momma yet while you're nursing *fingers crossed*

Lat weigh in, you were about 20 pounds...so big compared to the little monkey we brought home 8 months ago. You are crawling all over the house, and in the last couple days you have been trying really hard to pull yourself up on things. I have a feeling it's just a matter of days before you are furniture surfing!

It's a new year now, I was a little bit sad to say good bye to the year you were born...it makes you seem so much older now. My baby is quickly becoming a little boy! For New Years, you had a sleep over at our friend Kim's, and had fun playing with your friend Ryan while you were there. I love that you can cope away from us for a night, tho I think you cope better than I do! This year has so much ahead of us, so many firsts to come for you...first words, first steps, first trip to England...you have a lot of family over there who are looking forward to meeting you, and Mummy and I are looking forward to showing you off. It looks like it will be July when we get to take that trip, tho there is a chance you may go once before that on your own with mummy...I don't know how I feel about that though, I don't think I'm ready to be away from you for any length of time...it's hard just to leave you over night! I have a whole lot of pictures that I want to put in here, but for some reason my photobucket won't load them, so I will have to do another entry soon to show off your holiday pictures.

Your days now are so much more exciting, from crawling into corners and through every barricade I try to put in your way, playing with your new toys, eating three meals a day and adventuring all over the place, you are one busy little man. The best part of it all, is you are now a very happy, easy to please baby! There are still some temper issues, especially when we have to tell you no...or if I'm too slow with your food, lol, but all in all, you are happy most of the time. Still fighting your naps, and still not *quite* sleeping through the night...but much calmer and less frustrated now that you are crawling and can go where you want to go. It's so much fun to spend my days with you Jayden, you really are the light of my life. Your kisses slime my face, and melt my heart!!
Big hugs little man!
Momma loves you!!!

Sick baby, and new teeth!

Oh my poor little man, you are suffering from your first cold...fever, runny nose, cough...misery! And it is extra sad cuz you were just starting to come around the last several days from whatever was making you so unhappy...a few days of a happy baby, and then poof! You're sick! On a more exciting note though, yesterday we realized that you finally cut your two bottom teeth! They are just peeking out above the gums. No wonder you were having such a rough time! I hope you get over this quickly, because we are both so so tired, and you're not exactly sleeping well...since you can't breath out of your nose you wake up really often. Feel better soon my little monkey!
Momma loves you!

Feel like I'm failing...

I am at my wits end... I love you so much.. I do everything I can do to make sure you are healthy, and happy...but you're not happy :( You spend the majority of the day fussing and crying..unless you are eating, you seem to be upset..and not just discontented..you are angry so much. You scream like something is horribly wrong, so often and it is breaking my heart. Even immediately after eating, you get so enraged that your bowl is empty it's unreal..I laugh because I have to, or I'd be crying all the time with you. I know it isn't that you're hungry, because you are gaining weight no problem, growing well, thriving! There are brief times that you will play in your exersaucer for maybe 15 minutes or so, and the odd time that you will lie on the floor or the futon with a toy..but those times are very rare and short..I can't get anything done unless I listen to you scream..and I feel like that's what I do for most of the day. You aren't even sleeping through the night any more like you were doing so well with up till about a month ago. I know you're teething, and a lot of this could be mouth pain...but I don't see the other babies at our groups that are your age being as unhappy as you are. I wish you could tell me what's wrong.. is it me? Is there something wrong with my milk? with the way I am doing things? I just don't know what to do anymore. Momma is getting depressed, Jayden, and that's not good...I'm losing my battle for motivations..I'm pushing myself to stay out of the can't do anything slump by making baby food and trying to do one productive thing for you every day (when you let me) but I'm scared that this depression is going to trigger a bigger problem in me, and that old issues will start to surface and flare up...Please little man, come out of this phase soon, because I want nothing more for you than to be happy and healthy and loved..that's a place you aren't lacking, love. I would entertain you 24/7, sing and bounce and walk and listen to the cars go by and all the things that do make you happy and calm, but momma gets tired too, and I need a break without hearing you scream at me for taking that break...*sigh* I just don't know what I'm doing wrong :(

Momma loves you baby, please don't cry...

6 Month update!

Well my little piglet, you are half a year old, and 17lbs 4oz!! I don't know where the time has gone, seriously, you can stop growing now! You are doing so many things these days..you sit up pretty much on your own now and generally would rather be sat up than laying down, there are no cuddles any more unless you are really really tired...You can roll from back to front and front to back, but you don't often go on your tummy on purpose, and that's ok with me, I am in no hurry for you to crawl! Your favourite thing to do now is eat! You have had all kinds of fruits and veggies and so far there isn't anything that you don't like. You were a little weirded out by purred chicken at first but it grew on you :) Here are some Fall pics of you playing in the leaves with Mummy :) Look at that smile!!







Momma loves you!!

I don't know what's wrong :(

The last few days you have been inconsolable for the most part of the day...you've had some short happy times, but mostly you are screaming your head off. You've been eating well, pooping well, not showing nay sighns of being sick...so what is wrong with you? This momma is tired! I can't complain about the nights, you have been mostly sleeping through the night..when you wake up in the morning you are happy for a couple hours, then the screaming begins :( I thought maybe it was because you have tried some new foods over the last couple weeks, sweet potatoes and bananas..which you LOVED!! We even used your mesh feeder and a chunk of frozen banana as a teether and it was an awesome sticky mess! I feel absolutely evil because any time I put you down through the day you freak out...swing, crib, glider, futon, bouncy seat..anywhere...you aren't happy. But I have to put you down to pee! And possibly eat something every once in a while. Normally you may cry for 10-15 minutes, but you always settle and fall asleep at some point and at least have a couple naps, even if they are short..but it's something! I've tried letting you cry it out but you just work yourself up to being frantic, and that's no good for anyone. The only naps you get are when you are so exhausted you fall asleep nursing, but again, no good...cuz you aren't getting full feeds so you wake up and wanna finish eating as soon as I try to lay you down...I don't know what to do..all I know is I feel like a failure being so defeated and frustrated.. I hate seeing you so unhappy.. :(

Momma loves you...

New friends and applesauce!

Today was a great day! You got to meet some new friends, Jess and Charlotte. They are having a baby in February, and their little one has the same donor as you do...you don't know what that means, but one day when you're all grown up I think it will be important for you to have some connection to other kids who come from families like ours, and this one will be special cuz not only will you have 2 moms like this child will, but you will also share a genetic bond! It was also really nice for us to meet a couple and chat and share thoughts on what it is like to be same sex parents :) I hope that we can meet with them many times in the future, and hopefully you and their baby can be friends growing up. It was a special thing to be able to meet them, and I hope we get to know them well!

Momma got brave today, and let you try some apples! After using a chunk of apple in your mesh feeder last night as a teether, I thought it would be a good idea to mash some up and let you try it out. You loved chewing and sucking on it last night and it seemed to help sooth your poor little gums. After you inhaled your cereal, I gave you a few spoonfuls of mashed apples. Your face was priceless! I guess it was a little sour, since it was a granny smith! lol You made faces and squished it around in your mouth, but after the initial surprise you seemed to like it! I think if I had let you, you would have eaten a whole apple, but not yet little man, wait a year or two! My little piglet ;)

Momma Loves you!

new and postable..

Yesterday you opened your mouth for kisses xxxx

Today you found your feet...you've been looking at them for a while now, but today you got a good hold of them and enjoyed eating them. :) You needed a little help to keep them from popping away from your hands, but you are close to mastering this new and exciting little trick..lol

Momma loves you!

Big boy!!

So as promised, just a little late, here's the update from your doctor's appointment last Thursday... you weighed in at 14 lbs, 5oz! And you are 26 inches long..that's 6 inches you've grown!! You did really well with your needles, hardly cried at all...aside from a little fussiness the next day, you weren't really bothered..mommas were more upset than you were!

You are such a hungry little man, you are having cereal every night at supper time, and you do SO well with it! You're like a little bird with your mouth wide open, and you get frustrated with me if I don't feed you fast enough, it is quite funny! I spoke to the nutritionist today at Babies First, and after urging us to wait until you are 6 months old to start you on solids, we told her how you are with cereal and how hungry you seem to be, she agreed that you are more than ready to start eating. It was nice to get that validation...we don't need permission, but it sort of feels like it, lol

I have uploaded all my pics for the last couple months from my phone and into your photo albums...we really need to get some printed out! There are soooo many I don't know how I would choose!

Here are the pictures..this entry is gonna be short cuz you are across the room talking to me and I have to go and give you some lovin'!

Momma loves you!!!

Four months!

It seems I've been slacking again, I'm sorry! I can't believe you're 4 months old already! I look at you and try to picture that little preemie that we brought home 16 weeks ago and it feels like yesterday, but you are so much bigger and sooo different now. You are turning into such a big boy, and you are so much fun to interact with now. You are full of smiles, and lots of giggles..especially when momma plays 'super baby' with you and makes you fly above her head. You think that is the best thing in the world..other than eating of course ;) You still don't like tummy time very much, but now instead of screaming at me to turn you over, you do it yourself! You don't even stay on your tummy long enough for me to get a picture of you, you just pop right over onto your back. Today was the first time in a while that we played on your little play mat and you seemed to really enjoy it, batting at the hanging zebra and making it sing amused you greatly. I have so many pictures that I need to download from my phone and facebook so that I can put them on here. I will likely do it one day soon when you're napping and post them all in one entry to show off your first summer. With fall pretty much here, I'm dreading the cold weather. You love it outside so much. Your favourite spot is still by the road on the rocks watching the cars. You actually watch them come and try to follow them as they zoom by. You have lots of friends in the neighbourhood that see us out there all the time and always stop to say hello and tell you how big you're getting. You have started to play shy a little bit, hiding in momma's shoulder when strangers say hello, but you never do it for more than a few seconds and then you turn on the charm and wow them with your big smiles.

I'm certain that you are teething now, sometimes I feel so bad for you when you're crying and trying to eat your hand. I can see that it's hurting you...you hate Oragel, but it does seem to help a bit after the icky taste goes away. You have fallen into a good routine at night time, cereal (oh yeah, you have cereal now and you LOVE it!!) and a little drink, then bath time, which you aren't loving as much as you used to..you are happy to get in, but don't want to be in very long before you start to fuss and want to come out for your massage and a cuddle, then your bottle and bed by about 8:30. We had to start using a faster flow nipple for you cuz you were getting upset and frustrated with the slow ones. You do great with it, no choking or puking, so I guess it was time.

We went to Babies First on Friday, and you were the talk of the place. Apparently you have grown a heck of a lot since they closed for the summer. I think you have changed the most out of all the babies there. We weighed you and you were 14 pounds, but you had all your clothes on and a wet diaper so it wasn't all that accurate. On Thursday you have your check up with Sara, and we will get a proper weigh in and see how big you really are. Hard to believe you have doubled your birthweight, plus some! You will be getting your needles as well on Thursday...I'm so not looking forward to that. You did so well when you went for your 2 month shots, I hope you are as tough this time around. It makes me so sad to see you hurting, even tho I know it's for your own good, it sucks!

I guess that's all for now really, I will update with some pictures soon, and I'l have a report after your appointment on Thursday. Until then,

Momma loves you little man!! xxxxx

Time flies..

I'm sorry I haven't been writing here as regularly as I had planned to, things have been pretty crazy around here! You are growing so fast, and doing so much! You giggle now, still waiting for real belly laughs (tho I think you have a couple times, it isn't regular yet) you have a tickle spot right in your colloer bone at the top of your chest. If i work real hard I get a growly giggle out of you, but always get big smiles and wiggles when i poke and prod you there, I love it! You are making loads of new sounds and gurgles and I'm positive that when i motorboat at you you are trying to do it back..hehe You are eating like a little piggy, and I'm sure we will have to start you on some solids pretty soon cuz mild just doesn't seem to be enough sometimes...10 ounces some nights at bedtime seems to be a bit much for a little guy like you, but you drain your bottle and cry for more, so who am I to say you're full? Momma had a bit of a scare with her milk supply for a couple days, my allergies were really bad and I took some meds..without thinking, I took a decongestant one, and oops...I'm a dummy! Did I not know that something that dries up fluids will dry up milk as well? Silly me! But it seems to be ok now, lots of nursing and pumping for 24 hours and some extra supplements, and things seem on their way back to normal. Now, if we could only get you pooping on a regular basis, things would be grand! Still several days go by and you struggle and fuss, I can see you're trying but sometimes you still need some help...I'm gonna ask Sara at your next appointment in a couple weeks, if we can start giving you a little bit of prune juice with your water to help you get regulated.

I also think you're teething! I know I know, you're only 3 and a half months old! But you are drooling and chewing on everything, and sometimes you seem to be so uncomfortable, and when you cry your owie cry it breaks my heart..Tylenol has been your friend on a few rough nights. I hope the shifting that I'm sure is happening, settles down for you soon and that you don't actually cut a tooth for several months! You're too little!! And momma doesn't want you biting her just yet!

You're growing and changing so darn fast, I love every minute, but I still miss my little 5 pound bundle sometimes..*tear* slow down would ya!? There's no hurry for you to grow up. I just wanna love you and snuggle you and let you be a baby for as long as you'll let me let you be..ha..that made sense to me :P

Waiting for you to get up from your nap right now so we can play with your new toy that mummy got you the other day. It's a Fisher Price musical thinger that stands up in front of you in your bouncy chair. You have mastered the art of kicking it to make it sing and light up. You love it and it's so fun to watch!

See you soon little man!

Momma loves you!

Video Monitor

So we got this cool monitor that plugs into the computer..It has a tonne of glitches, the sound from my computer goes through the camera speaker, and there is no volume control that works so it's pretty loud when we have it on, but one thing makes it all worth it : I absolutely love watching you get yourself off to sleep at night..you kick off your blanket, you flail your arms, you look left to right a hundred times, then you slow down and stare at the little blue light on the camera and after a few minutes you close your eyes and relax and drift off to sleep...warms my heart :) It's one of my favourite moments of the day, even though you're in another room and not in my arms, I love it as much as anything else.

Momma loves you!

First Roll Over :)

Yesterday you showed off your stubborn side yet again :) You absolutely hate tummy time, so I have to admit, we don't give you enough of it..I can't stand to leave you there screaming, even though I know it's something you need...so I am vowing to put you on your tummy at least a few times a day, like it or not..sorry buddy! Yesterday tho, I was demonstrating to Uncle Cole how much you hate it, and within 5 seconds of me putting you on your tummy, you kicked and wiggled and popped yourself over onto your back..point proven! We were so surprised and delighted, and I turned you over again to see what would happen and *pop* there you were on your back again! Good job little monkey! It's a milestone! :D Now, if you would go back to napping during the day, we 'd be gold! You are sleeping mostly through the night again so I can't complain...but Come ON! You are so cranky and tired but you refuse to sleep...I'm thinking you have some of my insomnia gene, lol...sleep baby, sleep!

Momma loves you!

nursing strike!

Little man, your momma is STRESSED OUT!! The last couple days you have been fussing when you eat, and this morning it got really bad... You completely refused to latch on and screamed your head off when I tried to feed you. I thought it was because there was no milk, or not enough milk coming.. I took my supplements, drank lots of water, had some mother's milk tea (all this over the course of a couple hours) and then I pumped for a few minutes on each side..the milk is there, I wasn't having any trouble getting it out with the pump. So I guess there is something else going on, I did some research and apparently it isn't abnormal for this to happen at around three months..there are lots of posts from mommies of babies your age saying they have the same problem...but it doesn't make it any less stressful when I know you're hungry but you won't eat.. Finally you latched for a little bit when I tried standing up and holding you to me that way and walking around a little, but I can't maintain that position it hurts too much and it's TIRING! Right now you're in your swing, I thought you were going to take a nap but you woke up..You are fussing a little bit but not screaming like your starving, so I guess you got enough in that little feed to hold you over. It's so tempting to just give you a bottle, but I think that would make this worse and not better :( I hate it when I can't figure out what to do..I hope this passes quickly!

Momma loves you!