I don't know what's wrong :(

The last few days you have been inconsolable for the most part of the day...you've had some short happy times, but mostly you are screaming your head off. You've been eating well, pooping well, not showing nay sighns of being sick...so what is wrong with you? This momma is tired! I can't complain about the nights, you have been mostly sleeping through the night..when you wake up in the morning you are happy for a couple hours, then the screaming begins :( I thought maybe it was because you have tried some new foods over the last couple weeks, sweet potatoes and bananas..which you LOVED!! We even used your mesh feeder and a chunk of frozen banana as a teether and it was an awesome sticky mess! I feel absolutely evil because any time I put you down through the day you freak out...swing, crib, glider, futon, bouncy seat..anywhere...you aren't happy. But I have to put you down to pee! And possibly eat something every once in a while. Normally you may cry for 10-15 minutes, but you always settle and fall asleep at some point and at least have a couple naps, even if they are short..but it's something! I've tried letting you cry it out but you just work yourself up to being frantic, and that's no good for anyone. The only naps you get are when you are so exhausted you fall asleep nursing, but again, no good...cuz you aren't getting full feeds so you wake up and wanna finish eating as soon as I try to lay you down...I don't know what to do..all I know is I feel like a failure being so defeated and frustrated.. I hate seeing you so unhappy.. :(

Momma loves you...

New friends and applesauce!

Today was a great day! You got to meet some new friends, Jess and Charlotte. They are having a baby in February, and their little one has the same donor as you do...you don't know what that means, but one day when you're all grown up I think it will be important for you to have some connection to other kids who come from families like ours, and this one will be special cuz not only will you have 2 moms like this child will, but you will also share a genetic bond! It was also really nice for us to meet a couple and chat and share thoughts on what it is like to be same sex parents :) I hope that we can meet with them many times in the future, and hopefully you and their baby can be friends growing up. It was a special thing to be able to meet them, and I hope we get to know them well!

Momma got brave today, and let you try some apples! After using a chunk of apple in your mesh feeder last night as a teether, I thought it would be a good idea to mash some up and let you try it out. You loved chewing and sucking on it last night and it seemed to help sooth your poor little gums. After you inhaled your cereal, I gave you a few spoonfuls of mashed apples. Your face was priceless! I guess it was a little sour, since it was a granny smith! lol You made faces and squished it around in your mouth, but after the initial surprise you seemed to like it! I think if I had let you, you would have eaten a whole apple, but not yet little man, wait a year or two! My little piglet ;)

Momma Loves you!

new and postable..

Yesterday you opened your mouth for kisses xxxx

Today you found your feet...you've been looking at them for a while now, but today you got a good hold of them and enjoyed eating them. :) You needed a little help to keep them from popping away from your hands, but you are close to mastering this new and exciting little trick..lol

Momma loves you!

Big boy!!

So as promised, just a little late, here's the update from your doctor's appointment last Thursday... you weighed in at 14 lbs, 5oz! And you are 26 inches long..that's 6 inches you've grown!! You did really well with your needles, hardly cried at all...aside from a little fussiness the next day, you weren't really bothered..mommas were more upset than you were!

You are such a hungry little man, you are having cereal every night at supper time, and you do SO well with it! You're like a little bird with your mouth wide open, and you get frustrated with me if I don't feed you fast enough, it is quite funny! I spoke to the nutritionist today at Babies First, and after urging us to wait until you are 6 months old to start you on solids, we told her how you are with cereal and how hungry you seem to be, she agreed that you are more than ready to start eating. It was nice to get that validation...we don't need permission, but it sort of feels like it, lol

I have uploaded all my pics for the last couple months from my phone and into your photo albums...we really need to get some printed out! There are soooo many I don't know how I would choose!

Here are the pictures..this entry is gonna be short cuz you are across the room talking to me and I have to go and give you some lovin'!

Momma loves you!!!

Four months!

It seems I've been slacking again, I'm sorry! I can't believe you're 4 months old already! I look at you and try to picture that little preemie that we brought home 16 weeks ago and it feels like yesterday, but you are so much bigger and sooo different now. You are turning into such a big boy, and you are so much fun to interact with now. You are full of smiles, and lots of giggles..especially when momma plays 'super baby' with you and makes you fly above her head. You think that is the best thing in the world..other than eating of course ;) You still don't like tummy time very much, but now instead of screaming at me to turn you over, you do it yourself! You don't even stay on your tummy long enough for me to get a picture of you, you just pop right over onto your back. Today was the first time in a while that we played on your little play mat and you seemed to really enjoy it, batting at the hanging zebra and making it sing amused you greatly. I have so many pictures that I need to download from my phone and facebook so that I can put them on here. I will likely do it one day soon when you're napping and post them all in one entry to show off your first summer. With fall pretty much here, I'm dreading the cold weather. You love it outside so much. Your favourite spot is still by the road on the rocks watching the cars. You actually watch them come and try to follow them as they zoom by. You have lots of friends in the neighbourhood that see us out there all the time and always stop to say hello and tell you how big you're getting. You have started to play shy a little bit, hiding in momma's shoulder when strangers say hello, but you never do it for more than a few seconds and then you turn on the charm and wow them with your big smiles.

I'm certain that you are teething now, sometimes I feel so bad for you when you're crying and trying to eat your hand. I can see that it's hurting you...you hate Oragel, but it does seem to help a bit after the icky taste goes away. You have fallen into a good routine at night time, cereal (oh yeah, you have cereal now and you LOVE it!!) and a little drink, then bath time, which you aren't loving as much as you used to..you are happy to get in, but don't want to be in very long before you start to fuss and want to come out for your massage and a cuddle, then your bottle and bed by about 8:30. We had to start using a faster flow nipple for you cuz you were getting upset and frustrated with the slow ones. You do great with it, no choking or puking, so I guess it was time.

We went to Babies First on Friday, and you were the talk of the place. Apparently you have grown a heck of a lot since they closed for the summer. I think you have changed the most out of all the babies there. We weighed you and you were 14 pounds, but you had all your clothes on and a wet diaper so it wasn't all that accurate. On Thursday you have your check up with Sara, and we will get a proper weigh in and see how big you really are. Hard to believe you have doubled your birthweight, plus some! You will be getting your needles as well on Thursday...I'm so not looking forward to that. You did so well when you went for your 2 month shots, I hope you are as tough this time around. It makes me so sad to see you hurting, even tho I know it's for your own good, it sucks!

I guess that's all for now really, I will update with some pictures soon, and I'l have a report after your appointment on Thursday. Until then,

Momma loves you little man!! xxxxx

Time flies..

I'm sorry I haven't been writing here as regularly as I had planned to, things have been pretty crazy around here! You are growing so fast, and doing so much! You giggle now, still waiting for real belly laughs (tho I think you have a couple times, it isn't regular yet) you have a tickle spot right in your colloer bone at the top of your chest. If i work real hard I get a growly giggle out of you, but always get big smiles and wiggles when i poke and prod you there, I love it! You are making loads of new sounds and gurgles and I'm positive that when i motorboat at you you are trying to do it back..hehe You are eating like a little piggy, and I'm sure we will have to start you on some solids pretty soon cuz mild just doesn't seem to be enough sometimes...10 ounces some nights at bedtime seems to be a bit much for a little guy like you, but you drain your bottle and cry for more, so who am I to say you're full? Momma had a bit of a scare with her milk supply for a couple days, my allergies were really bad and I took some meds..without thinking, I took a decongestant one, and oops...I'm a dummy! Did I not know that something that dries up fluids will dry up milk as well? Silly me! But it seems to be ok now, lots of nursing and pumping for 24 hours and some extra supplements, and things seem on their way back to normal. Now, if we could only get you pooping on a regular basis, things would be grand! Still several days go by and you struggle and fuss, I can see you're trying but sometimes you still need some help...I'm gonna ask Sara at your next appointment in a couple weeks, if we can start giving you a little bit of prune juice with your water to help you get regulated.

I also think you're teething! I know I know, you're only 3 and a half months old! But you are drooling and chewing on everything, and sometimes you seem to be so uncomfortable, and when you cry your owie cry it breaks my heart..Tylenol has been your friend on a few rough nights. I hope the shifting that I'm sure is happening, settles down for you soon and that you don't actually cut a tooth for several months! You're too little!! And momma doesn't want you biting her just yet!

You're growing and changing so darn fast, I love every minute, but I still miss my little 5 pound bundle sometimes..*tear* slow down would ya!? There's no hurry for you to grow up. I just wanna love you and snuggle you and let you be a baby for as long as you'll let me let you be..ha..that made sense to me :P

Waiting for you to get up from your nap right now so we can play with your new toy that mummy got you the other day. It's a Fisher Price musical thinger that stands up in front of you in your bouncy chair. You have mastered the art of kicking it to make it sing and light up. You love it and it's so fun to watch!

See you soon little man!

Momma loves you!

Video Monitor

So we got this cool monitor that plugs into the computer..It has a tonne of glitches, the sound from my computer goes through the camera speaker, and there is no volume control that works so it's pretty loud when we have it on, but one thing makes it all worth it : I absolutely love watching you get yourself off to sleep at night..you kick off your blanket, you flail your arms, you look left to right a hundred times, then you slow down and stare at the little blue light on the camera and after a few minutes you close your eyes and relax and drift off to sleep...warms my heart :) It's one of my favourite moments of the day, even though you're in another room and not in my arms, I love it as much as anything else.

Momma loves you!