Sick baby, and new teeth!

Oh my poor little man, you are suffering from your first cold...fever, runny nose, cough...misery! And it is extra sad cuz you were just starting to come around the last several days from whatever was making you so unhappy...a few days of a happy baby, and then poof! You're sick! On a more exciting note though, yesterday we realized that you finally cut your two bottom teeth! They are just peeking out above the gums. No wonder you were having such a rough time! I hope you get over this quickly, because we are both so so tired, and you're not exactly sleeping well...since you can't breath out of your nose you wake up really often. Feel better soon my little monkey!
Momma loves you!

Feel like I'm failing...

I am at my wits end... I love you so much.. I do everything I can do to make sure you are healthy, and happy...but you're not happy :( You spend the majority of the day fussing and crying..unless you are eating, you seem to be upset..and not just discontented..you are angry so much. You scream like something is horribly wrong, so often and it is breaking my heart. Even immediately after eating, you get so enraged that your bowl is empty it's unreal..I laugh because I have to, or I'd be crying all the time with you. I know it isn't that you're hungry, because you are gaining weight no problem, growing well, thriving! There are brief times that you will play in your exersaucer for maybe 15 minutes or so, and the odd time that you will lie on the floor or the futon with a toy..but those times are very rare and short..I can't get anything done unless I listen to you scream..and I feel like that's what I do for most of the day. You aren't even sleeping through the night any more like you were doing so well with up till about a month ago. I know you're teething, and a lot of this could be mouth pain...but I don't see the other babies at our groups that are your age being as unhappy as you are. I wish you could tell me what's wrong.. is it me? Is there something wrong with my milk? with the way I am doing things? I just don't know what to do anymore. Momma is getting depressed, Jayden, and that's not good...I'm losing my battle for motivations..I'm pushing myself to stay out of the can't do anything slump by making baby food and trying to do one productive thing for you every day (when you let me) but I'm scared that this depression is going to trigger a bigger problem in me, and that old issues will start to surface and flare up...Please little man, come out of this phase soon, because I want nothing more for you than to be happy and healthy and loved..that's a place you aren't lacking, love. I would entertain you 24/7, sing and bounce and walk and listen to the cars go by and all the things that do make you happy and calm, but momma gets tired too, and I need a break without hearing you scream at me for taking that break...*sigh* I just don't know what I'm doing wrong :(

Momma loves you baby, please don't cry...

6 Month update!

Well my little piglet, you are half a year old, and 17lbs 4oz!! I don't know where the time has gone, seriously, you can stop growing now! You are doing so many things these days..you sit up pretty much on your own now and generally would rather be sat up than laying down, there are no cuddles any more unless you are really really tired...You can roll from back to front and front to back, but you don't often go on your tummy on purpose, and that's ok with me, I am in no hurry for you to crawl! Your favourite thing to do now is eat! You have had all kinds of fruits and veggies and so far there isn't anything that you don't like. You were a little weirded out by purred chicken at first but it grew on you :) Here are some Fall pics of you playing in the leaves with Mummy :) Look at that smile!!







Momma loves you!!

I don't know what's wrong :(

The last few days you have been inconsolable for the most part of the day...you've had some short happy times, but mostly you are screaming your head off. You've been eating well, pooping well, not showing nay sighns of being sick...so what is wrong with you? This momma is tired! I can't complain about the nights, you have been mostly sleeping through the night..when you wake up in the morning you are happy for a couple hours, then the screaming begins :( I thought maybe it was because you have tried some new foods over the last couple weeks, sweet potatoes and bananas..which you LOVED!! We even used your mesh feeder and a chunk of frozen banana as a teether and it was an awesome sticky mess! I feel absolutely evil because any time I put you down through the day you freak out...swing, crib, glider, futon, bouncy seat..anywhere...you aren't happy. But I have to put you down to pee! And possibly eat something every once in a while. Normally you may cry for 10-15 minutes, but you always settle and fall asleep at some point and at least have a couple naps, even if they are short..but it's something! I've tried letting you cry it out but you just work yourself up to being frantic, and that's no good for anyone. The only naps you get are when you are so exhausted you fall asleep nursing, but again, no good...cuz you aren't getting full feeds so you wake up and wanna finish eating as soon as I try to lay you down...I don't know what to do..all I know is I feel like a failure being so defeated and frustrated.. I hate seeing you so unhappy.. :(

Momma loves you...

New friends and applesauce!

Today was a great day! You got to meet some new friends, Jess and Charlotte. They are having a baby in February, and their little one has the same donor as you do...you don't know what that means, but one day when you're all grown up I think it will be important for you to have some connection to other kids who come from families like ours, and this one will be special cuz not only will you have 2 moms like this child will, but you will also share a genetic bond! It was also really nice for us to meet a couple and chat and share thoughts on what it is like to be same sex parents :) I hope that we can meet with them many times in the future, and hopefully you and their baby can be friends growing up. It was a special thing to be able to meet them, and I hope we get to know them well!

Momma got brave today, and let you try some apples! After using a chunk of apple in your mesh feeder last night as a teether, I thought it would be a good idea to mash some up and let you try it out. You loved chewing and sucking on it last night and it seemed to help sooth your poor little gums. After you inhaled your cereal, I gave you a few spoonfuls of mashed apples. Your face was priceless! I guess it was a little sour, since it was a granny smith! lol You made faces and squished it around in your mouth, but after the initial surprise you seemed to like it! I think if I had let you, you would have eaten a whole apple, but not yet little man, wait a year or two! My little piglet ;)

Momma Loves you!

new and postable..

Yesterday you opened your mouth for kisses xxxx

Today you found your feet...you've been looking at them for a while now, but today you got a good hold of them and enjoyed eating them. :) You needed a little help to keep them from popping away from your hands, but you are close to mastering this new and exciting little trick..lol

Momma loves you!

Big boy!!

So as promised, just a little late, here's the update from your doctor's appointment last Thursday... you weighed in at 14 lbs, 5oz! And you are 26 inches long..that's 6 inches you've grown!! You did really well with your needles, hardly cried at all...aside from a little fussiness the next day, you weren't really bothered..mommas were more upset than you were!

You are such a hungry little man, you are having cereal every night at supper time, and you do SO well with it! You're like a little bird with your mouth wide open, and you get frustrated with me if I don't feed you fast enough, it is quite funny! I spoke to the nutritionist today at Babies First, and after urging us to wait until you are 6 months old to start you on solids, we told her how you are with cereal and how hungry you seem to be, she agreed that you are more than ready to start eating. It was nice to get that validation...we don't need permission, but it sort of feels like it, lol

I have uploaded all my pics for the last couple months from my phone and into your photo albums...we really need to get some printed out! There are soooo many I don't know how I would choose!

Here are the pictures..this entry is gonna be short cuz you are across the room talking to me and I have to go and give you some lovin'!

Momma loves you!!!